If you’re anything like me, unwanted thoughts have a way of sneaking in, stirring up unwanted feelings—and before you know it, they’ve grown into unwanted behaviors. Not cute.

But here’s the thing: looping thoughts and compulsive checking aren’t just “mental” problems. They’re full-body, nervous system responses—a classic case of high vata taking the wheel.

I know that when I abandon my practices, or don’t have enough time in nature, the spirals start. Little things feel big. My mind loops harder. I can become impulsive and ungrounded.
I have to remember: this isn’t just “overthinking.” This is my body AND mind calling for grounding.

Ayurveda doesn’t shame that—it explains it. And Yoga? It offers a way back. One breath, one ritual, one gentle return at a time.

🌀 Breaking the Loop:

An Ayurvedic + Yogic Approach to Unwanted Thoughts

Not all thoughts are created equal. Some are intuitive. Some are creative. Still others…won’t leave the party.
Looping thoughts—those repetitive, restless cycles that make you check your phone for the 17th time or overanalyze a comment from last Tuesday—aren’t helping. They’re depleting. And worse, they start to separate you from your body, your clarity, and your peace.

From an Ayurvedic perspective, this is a vata imbalance: too much mental air and space. The wind element gets trapped in the attic of the mind, stirring constant motion without direction. In Yoga, this manifests as a disturbed manomaya kosha (the mental/emotional body), and an unsteady prana vayu—the upward-moving life force turned into mental static.

This isn’t a character flaw. It’s a doshic and energetic pattern. Which, blessedly, can be soothed.

🌬 Common Signs You’re Caught in a Vata Loop:

• Compulsive checking (phone, locks, replies, symptoms)

• Excess worry or anticipatory anxiety

• A racing mind, especially at night

• Mental rehearsals that never land

• Tightness in chest, throat, solar plexus

• Cold hands, dry skin, irregular digestion? (Yes, even the gut feels it.)

🌿 Ayurvedic & Yogic Tools to Steady the Storm

1. Come Back to Earth (Literally)

Looping lives in the air. You heal in the earth. Favour warm, grounding foods, leave out the raw food, it makes things worse.

🏺 Sip warm water with ginger through the day to anchor yourself.

2. Create a Ritual of Containment

Vata needs structure. Try setting a time for digital checking—then lovingly ignore the urge in between.

🕯 Anchor with simple actions: a candle at dusk, foot oiling at night, gentle repetition of a mantra or affirmation. These practices leash the mind gently.

3. Rewire Through the Body

Forget logic. Looping thoughts don’t speak logic, they speak sensation.

🧘‍♀️ Practice Yoga that calms: forward folds, child’s pose, supine twists. Pranayama like nadi shodhana (alternate nostril breathing) balances flow between lunar and solar channels, grounding the overactive mind.

💤 Legs-up-the-wall (Viparita Karani) + a weighted eye pillow = your new phone-checking detox.

4. Use Mantra Like a Thought Magnet

When looping arises, replace the mind’s static with a clear current. Repeat a mantra like:

🕉 So Hum (I am That)
🌾 Or even: “I return to presence.” “This moment is safe.” “I am steady.”
Your mind needs something to hold, not something to fight.

5. Work With Your Prana, Not Against It

Checking the phone? That’s prana looking for connection or certainty. Feeding it with digital dopamine burns it.
Nourishing it through breath, movement, or conscious presence clears it.

🌕 Instead of reaching for your phone in a loopy moment, reach for:

• Your breath

• A grounding scent (sandalwood, vetiver, lavender)

• The floor beneath your feet

• The warmth in your hands
  Looping ends when embodied awareness begins.

🔁 Final Thoughts for the Tender, Tired and Trying Soul

🪷 This isn’t you falling apart. It’s you being called back to center.. Ayurveda doesn’t judge imbalance—it invites you back to rhythm.

🌬 You don’t “fix” vata loops by thinking harder. You soothe them, warm them, contain them, and breathe through them.

🤎 Every time you pause the cycle—even for a breath—you’re rewiring your inner map. That’s sadhana. That’s healing. That’s solid ground.

The cars are still there, half-eaten by moss and memories, resting under layers of graffiti and and in silence near the roaring Cheakamus River. Steel skeletons in the green emerald moss. You’d think it would be an eyesore. But over the years, something beautiful happened: the wreck became art.

Climbers, artists, seekers and bikers all stumbled across these hulking ruins and started painting them. Over time, the wreck turned into a collision of color and chaos—murals tangled with poetry, cartoon monsters and love notes. What could’ve stayed an accident site turned into something liminal. Urban legend. Vandalism-turned-art-installation. Grief-trap turned gallery.

And standing there, it hit me:
This is what living with ADHD can feel like.

Not ruined—just unfinished.
Messy, creative, hard to explain. Still worthy of awe.

It’s imperfect magic.
It’s proof that not every mess needs to be erased.
It’s wild beauty—a kind that only exists because something went wrong, not in spite of it.

And if I spend my whole life trying to clean up the metaphorical boxcars—or make every part of my brain run “on track”—I miss the opportunity for alchemy. I miss the gallery.

Every splash of paint on those boxcars is someone showing up.
Forgiving. Laughing. Letting go.
A friend listening. Hugging a grandchild. Holding the hand of a lover. A stranger letting you cut in line at the grocery store. Acceptance is a kind of art. Grace is a kind of color.

So here’s what I’m learning:
You can’t un-crash the wreck.
But you can allow it to be transformed.
You can’t fix everything that fractured, but you do get to choose what grows in the ruins. That’s the whole point.

Growth isn’t about cleaning up the mess.
It’s about planting beauty in the middle of it—
and letting that become the thing that’s worth seeing.

And maybe the real question isn’t “how do I fix the wreck?”
Maybe it’s—
Who’s showing up with color in your life right now?
And who are you allowing to paint your story with understanding, laughter, and some sacred permission to be unfinished?

Because even boxcars can make a masterpiece.

We’re one year out of a toxic relationship. One that almost made me forget who I was.

It almost cost me my own voice—so this letter is for anyone still trying to find theirs.

Can you relate? Have you experienced this, or are you still in such a relationship?
If you’re here, reading this, maybe you already know:
You’re not making it up. You’re waking up.

If you’re someone with ADHD (diagnosed or self-aware), being in a toxic or abusive relationship can feel like trying to break free from a spell—but every time you get close, the self-doubt creeps in and whispers:

”Maybe it’s you.
You are too much.
You just need to “try harder.”

I know what it’s like to stay and think—maybe if I just try harder, things will change. Shrink your needs. Become the peacemaker, the fixer, the emotional first responder. Carry all the emotional baggage in your backpack.

But the truth (and your higher self) already knows this:
You’re not broken. You’re being broken down. There’s a difference.
If you’re even questioning whether a relationship is healthy or not is a sign that clarity is fighting to come home.

Here’s what can make it complicated when you have ADHD:
People with ADHD aren’t just more “chaotic.” We’re often more attuned. More intuitive. More sensitive. More emotionally porous. More prone to gaslighting yourself if someone keeps shaming you. (Especially if you’ve spent years trying to mask, hide or people-please to stay safe).

And guess what abusers—especially emotionally manipulative ones—love to exploit?
That exact wiring. The sensitive radar mixed with just enough self-doubt to make you question your gut.

But that’s where we draw the line.

So this is not about beating yourself up. This moment is about beginning to un-gaslight yourself.

One breadcrumb of clarity at a time.

Step 1: Call it what it actually is.

You can’t heal what you’re still sugarcoating.

If someone keeps doing or saying things that make you feel small, anxious, or ashamed for existing the way you exist—they are not loving you. They are controlling you. They are trying to parent you and not in a good way.

You’re not “too sensitive.”
They’re too reckless with your heart.

Step 2: Stop giving your empathy to people who weaponize it.

You can understand someone’s wounds without letting them wound you.

If your kindness keeps getting used against you, that’s not a flaw in your empathy.
That’s a sign to put up a boundary.

You’re not cold for protecting your peace. You’re wise.

Step 3: Build a new evidence file—written by you.

If your memory feels slippery or you tend to doubt yourself after hard conversations, document what’s happening. Not for “proof”—but for clarity.

Leave yourself breadcrumbs: voice memos after arguments, journal entries, texts to a trusted friend.

But of course, don’t leave journal entries if the person you are trying to leave is the kind of person who would steal your journals, take pictures of them and share them far and wide with people you don’t even know. TRUE STORY for me.

You’re not being dramatic. You’re building your own map out of the fog.

Step 4: Don’t heal in isolation.

Toxic relationships thrive in secrecy.
Talk to someone who’s safe. A therapist, a coach, a friend who remembers your real self. Let them reflect your reality back to you.

Leaving an abusive relationship—especially with ADHD—is not weak.
It’s a rewritten origin story.
It’s an act of spiritual rebellion.

Step 5: Start micro-celebrating your clarity.

Choosing to leave isn’t one moment. It’s a muscle you build over time.
Every time you say no to being shamed,
Every time you trust your gut over their narrative,
Every time you move an inch closer to yourself—
Celebrate it. Mark it. Grow it.

Your clarity is sacred.

And if you need a little permission slip from someone 🙋🏻‍♀️ who’s been around the block (and kept the receipts) way too many times:
You’re not too much.
You’re not too sensitive.
You’re not too scattered.
You’re not broken.
You’re becoming.

You’re fine exactly as you are.

Be free.

Sending love (from me and Muffin)

Why ADHD Relationships Hurt, Heal, and Transform Us

When people with ADHD get into a relationship, it’s equal parts soul-nourishing and existential mess. One minute it’s mind-blowing and magical, and the next you’re spiraling in a secret storm of rejection sensitivity, emotional dysregulation, and attachment wounds.

But here’s what we don’t talk about enough: ADHD isn’t just about losing your keys or forgetting you were telling a story mid-sentence.

In relationships, it shows up as intensity.

A kind of heart that loves in high-definition.
Feelings don’t just show up — they arrive, uninvited, wearing high beams.
Love is bigger. So are the little things. Sensitivity warps time. Patterns get sticky. And suddenly, “Do you still like me?” isn’t playful anymore — it’s an existential interrogation of cosmic proportion.

But here’s the wild part (and the reason we haven’t given up, even when it all feels way too much):

When neurodivergent hearts love each other well — there’s a kind of quiet magic that lives in the cracks.
Shared softness. Psychic-level empathy. Permission to talk in 18 different directions at once, with someone who actually gets it. Sometimes, it's not even words—it’s just breathing in a deep and utter sense of belonging and feeling completely safe.
Co-regulation becomes its own kind of spirituality.
You're not managing a nervous system alone anymore—you’re learning how to calm the storm together.
It’s a language built from messy repairs —made by souls who never really fit the “rules” of connection in the first place.

Relationships like this aren’t broken.
They’re different.
But they do require active gentleness and special tending.

And more than that?
They need context — for your brain, for your body, and for each other’s nervous system — or you’ll keep mistaking emotional static for a broken signal.

So — let’s talk about what I call the ADHD Triangle of Emotions:
— Emotional Dysregulation
— Rejection Sensitivity
— Insecure Attachment

…and how these three love gremlins create a neurospicy dance between hearts who are just trying to love each other well — and stay sane.

🌀 Emotional Dysregulation

ADHD brains don’t “just feel.” They flood. Big emotional waves land fast — sometimes before you even name what you’re feeling. When you’re wired like this, even small moments can quickly go off-road.
This can look like cry-laugh fights, stonewalling-then-meltdowns, or obscure resentments over something trivial.

💔 Rejection Sensitivity (AKA: Tiny Thing, Big Hurricane)

This one? That’s the emotional smoke alarm that keeps going off over burnt toast. RSD can turn the smallest misstep into what feels like a full-body threat — even when there’s real love and safety on the table.
Suddenly “she didn’t text back” isn’t logical; it’s code-red.
It’s not that you think you’re being abandoned; your nervous system feels it already happened.

🔒 Attachment Wounds in a Neurodivergent World

Any attachment style can be complicated with ADHD, but insecure (especially anxious or disorganized) can feel like dialing up a love song and static at the same time. Over-giving. Shutting down. Chasing closeness that feels urgent, freaking out if you can’t find it, then massive feelings when you finally have it.

And here’s the tricky part—avoidance.

What people call “avoidant attachment” isn’t always some icy emotional shutdown or spiritual ghosting. Usually? It’s self-protection in disguise.

Avoidant attachment isn’t about not caring.
It’s about not feeling safe to care out loud.
It’s emotional “cooling down” as a defense—like hitting the dimmer switch on closeness when it starts to feel overwhelming, or like opening up is risking a kind of heartbreak you’re not sure you’ll come back from.

That doesn’t mean the avoidant one doesn’t want love.
It’s an internal system that once decided distance means safety,
and now has a hard time trusting togetherness—even when it’s real.

Here’s the good news (and the spiritual part):
Avoidant patterns don’t have to be permanent.
Connection can happen—where love looks less like getting it right, and more like being real — together, on purpose.

Healing is possible. This kind of connection can become a rich healing ground if both people are willing to move with gentleness, and keep listening for what’s real beneath the noise.

But when your old wounds, protective patterns, and electric brains start syncing up at the wrong frequency? Even soulmate love can feel like a karmic loop on replay.
And most of the time, you don’t even know you're doing it until you’re both dizzy and exhausted.

Understanding your wiring doesn’t just protect your connection — it deepens your love.

Because when you’re willing to see your true deeper or higher Self instead of creating up a narrative about your pathology—you get to embody your healing instead of questioning whether you’re worthy.
You get to stop cursing the road, and start using the map.

These relationships are where real healing can happen.
The kind where loving someone else is oddly like coming home to yourself, too.

So if you feel “too much,”
or intense,
or wired wrong for love —

or too messed up…

Remember:
It’s not that you’re too much.
Your brain just moves fast.
And your love goes deep.

Keep going.
Your healing isn’t behind you —
It’s right here, it’s unfolding quietly
every time you choose to love anyway.

Every time you stay present
when every old pattern says run.

It’s blooming right here in your heart
in the ordinary, sacred mess of loving with every cell of your being.

This is a description of what I’ve experienced and seen in so many friends and clients with ADHD. And here’s how it goes.

Something painful happens. You immediately create a narrative or two around what’s happened. You loop and loop the story in your head. Pain intensifies and you spiral out-of-control when the pain becomes unbearable. You have to find something to numb or distract.

Shame partners with the pain at every part of this process. Shame for being or wanting too much. Shame for feeling out-of-control. And most of all, shame for being weird or different. And shame wants to be hidden.

But healing comes from embracing your quirks and sensitivities, not hiding or fighting them. The more you can name, see and validate your needs, and own your vulnerability, the less old patterns can be the boss of your life.

This presents a problem if processing feelings is like trying to dance on a tightrope with lead shoes. When vulnerability hits, the urge is to fix things or seek comfort. To avoid rejection, numb or distract. To escape, run when things get too hard.

This can show up in many ways, we all pick our own cocktail!

• Obsession with any special interest

• Caretaking others

• Addictions or dependencies

• Extreme independence

• Withdrawal, depression, or even suicide. I say this not lightly having just lost a nephew and brother to suicide in the past months. The ache of not fitting in or feeling misunderstood can be crippling.

But when we try to control the pain or rejection, the shadows creep up. Anger gets buried. Our true needs feel shameful or unacceptable and surface as secret coping mechanisms.

But what we push away or avoid re-emerges with a vengeance.

Back to the healing part. Healing does not come from being perfect, it comes from letting yourself be seen. Especially by people who get your sensitivity and weird brilliance. These people are your North Star. People who will nurture your spirit and let you be your full self.

Don’t betray yourself for the fear of being alone. You are not wrong for wanting contact, reassurance, or just to feel chosen. If it’s always one-sided, you’ll feel more alone with that person than you do on your own. Crumbs won’t fill you. The wisdom is to know when to keep tending the garden or when to stop watering the rocks. Choose carefully, choose love, not hope on life-support.

Have the courage to ask for what you want. A simple share like: I need more closeness and communication than you’ve been able to offer, can you meet me? Let the subsequent actions, not their words be the answer. You can’t lose a right relationship by being honest, and you can’t keep a wrong one by holding your breath.

Catch yourself when you are creating or looping the narrative. Is it true? When someone you care about goes quiet or pulls away, the mind (your meaning-making machine) rushes to fill the silence with stories, worst-case scenarios and self-deprecation. A coping mechanism to try to protect yourself, but actually it mostly just hurts. You can’t stop your brain from making up a story, but you can challenge it. Is it really true? Do you really want to let it run the show?

From there…

Notice the narrative, when the brain is making up stories.

Regulate then reflect. Move your body, go in nature, drop into your senses. Then talk to your nervous system. “Hey, we’re safe, not in exile.”

Practice self-compassion.

Create new meanings - Like- even when I feel rejected, I am still lovable.

Reach out, don’t freeze in the storm. Interrupt the fictitious loop with something actual, gentle, and grounding.

You’re not broken, you just have a tender heart asking for safety. And that’s a gift you can give yourself.

I see you. Your vulnerabilities are what make you lovable.

Many of us have history with emotionally unavailable people with whom we’ve desperately tried to find reciprocity with. It’s crazy-making. To feel safe and evolve, you need mutual support in a relationship, not emotional scarcity or a sense you have to hustle or earn love. Anyone else remember trying to buy love with candy in the school playground?

The ache in your stomach is a call to return to yourSelf. Every time you reach for someone who can’t or won’t meet you, your heart is telling you loud and clear that this is what real connection does NOT feel like. This is evidence that you’re growing beyond the crumbs.

You don’t have to give more than you get. You can transform and evolve out of patterns that leave you feeling undervalued. Every NO clears a space in your heart for a sacred YES. Even if it feels brutal at the time.

That bone-tiredness of loving hard, caring so much and getting silence in return? It’s toxic and it hurts. If you’ve got RSD (Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, it hurts even more.)

And it’s actually grief. Let it flow through you and let it alchemize into medicine. Let yourself feel the grief. Breathe through it. Let the transformation begin.

You are not too much. You are just right for the right person or people.

Stay open and hold out for love that feels like home, not hard work. There’s nothing wrong with you for wanting to receive the kind of love that you want to give. You’re not here to be a safe harbor for people who won’t drop an anchor. Say NO to draining conversations and toxic people.

You deserve to be chosen, cherished and loved for who you are. Let the ache be a compass for new people, new spaces and new tenderness.

Be radically kind to yourself today, craft a fortress out of cozy socks, warm tea and a sweet, sweet read. You get to choose who can enter.

And you can choose to only ever lower the drawbridge for the people who deserve your love. You got this.

But you belong and it’s totally possible to forge meaningful relationships - even if the crowds make you want to head for the nearest couch to curl up with a good book.

I really don’t love crowds, but there are some strategies that can help you survive and even enjoy the weekend. It can seem like people with ADHD are extrovert, but a surprising number of us are actually very shy underneath it all. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

Top Tips :)

You don’t need to work the whole crowd. Just stick with your one or two people who you are comfortable with.

Stay open to small opportunities for real moments amidst the big energies. Have fewer conversations and don’t try to meet everyone!

Find quiet zones, there is a low sensory tent at Victoria Pride. Check out the edges and margins of a gathering, you know, the equivalent of the kitchen at a party. These places are naturally better for talking and having any kind of conversation anyway.

Lead with curiosity if you want to strike up a conversation. It takes wild courage to approach someone you don’t know well or at all. It’s not desperate or weak. I heard someone at Pride in the Word say - NO means Next Opportunity. Look for approachable faces, small clusters and find your vibe.

Heck, wear your vibe to reflect who you are. That way your people can spot you.

Walk or sit side-by-side rather than face-to-face if that feels easier.

Take time out. Text a friend. People watch. It’s OK to feel overwhelmed, take a breather.

You don’t have to be the loudest, flashiest gay in the village. Just be present, real and curious. It only takes one connection to call it a win. Allow your true people to find you.

You’ve got this. Pride is about celebrating diversity.

You are fine, exactly as you are.

And as Oscar Wilde says:

Be yourself, everyone else is taken.

Wishing you magical encounters, new friends and maybe even a new crush!

Happy Pride.

Love Kay

High vata rarely shows itself fully in the generic dosha quizzes. And like the wind, it’s often invisible until it reaches gale-force, when it leaves a visible trail of chaos and destruction in its wake.

In my clinical practice, I notice the symptoms of ADHD appear increasingly more severe with each successive generation. These days, it’s common for parents and grandparents to be diagnosed with ADHD later in life after a child in the family gets diagnosed. They realize the apple has not fallen so far from the tree.

When vata wreaks havoc, it’s easy to feel out-of-control, bad, crazy or lazy. As emotional dysregulation escalates, despair and feelings of worthlessness take root. Anxiety fuels the downward spiral and shame glues it all in place.

It is impossible to break free from unwanted behaviour if you’re crippled with shame.

Shame erodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.
Brene Brown

Shame stops us from seeing how to make changes by closing the mind to possibilities.

Shame is hungry. It feeds on secrecy, humiliation, perfectionism, silence, and harsh judgments. It requires a hostile and toxic environment to survive and thrive.

The inner world becomes hostile in the presence of our own negative thoughts, feelings and behaviours or being around noxious people.

Cleaning up the inner environment is crucial to releasing shame and revealing the truth of who we truly are.

Here are a few things that help me:

Spend time with positive, loving people who validate me and accept me as I am.

Curating people to share deeply with. Connection and vulnerability are healing- but only with the right people.

Top tip from Muffin: Friends come in all different shapes and sizes, stay open to unexpected possibilities! She loves her cat friend!

Don’t share your most vulnerable stories with unsafe people. This might mean leaving a relationship or finding new friends. I’ve found some really special friends through AWE, a local women’s group in Victoria. Check out what’s available near you.

Spend time in nature. Last weekend, I went hiking with the Vancouver Outdoor Club scrambling over Diez Vistas and Lake Buntzen Loop. I enjoyed gorgeous views from the summit with an inspiring group of women. I finished the 7-hour hike on such a high :)

Muffin was the star of the show, of course - although I’m *maybe* a little biased!

Avoid perfectionism. Practice radical acceptance and forgiveness. This means accepting the reality of your situation without judgment or self-criticism. It means being in the present moment, instead of dwelling on the past, or worrying about the future.

Radical acceptance, focusses on acknowledging difficult situations and emotions without judgment, rather than wishing things were different. Learning to accept things reduces how long we have to suffer for.

Moving my body in ways that bring in fresh perspectives and open my mind to new ways of being. For me, it’s best in nature, with the people (and dogs) I love.

In summary:

Be in the present moment.
Move your body in healing ways, preferably in nature.
Switch perfectionism for acceptance of how things are.
Do the things you love with the people who bring you peace and joy.
Be careful who you share with. Find people you can trust to confide in.

And Muffin wants the last bark - spend time with a beloved four-legged friend.

There, you will see a reflection of your authentic Self, perfectly fine exactly the way you are now.

I’ve been supporting women with ADHD to get on top of things in their homes. It makes so much difference to mental health when the environment is uncluttered and organized. Tidy home - tidy mind. When the mess mounds up, coaching/counselling/therapy is often not enough for someone who is neurodivergent. In difficult situations, people sometimes need practical help to begin anew.

It’s a such a joy to witness the return of freedom, motivation, and inspiration. Life opens up when you feel good about your home. Also, it’s so much easier to let love in when you feel able to invite people into your space. After all, who doesn’t want a bit of love?

Removing negative energy from your house significantly improves your well-being and daily life, making it easier to deal with executive functioning and emotional regulation. Stuck energy accumulates when things are messy, unclean, or disorganized, or you have negative people in your home. Icky energy hurts the soul! It’s hard to crawl out from underneath heaps of oppressive mess when everything feels too much. Decision fatigue sets in, emotional dysregulation happens and overwhelm leads straight to paralysis.

I’m loving working alongside people who want to learn how to overcome that kind of paralysis, take action and create order. As we work together, we laugh, share deeply, and make excellent progress. After all, when two ADHDers are on a mission, we can move mountains in no time! Most importantly, there is no judgement. Navigating the world with an ADHD brain is something I totally get!

Everyone is different, and we all have a unique set of challenges. So there is not one way to approach organizing. We each have a different starting point and goals. Here are some ways that I work with people:

• Making a game plan and setting priorities

• Decluttering

• Creating systems that work for you (especially if you have object permanence)

• Getting creative about your ideal storage solutions

• Help with decision fatigue

• Figuring out your style - do it all at once or bite-sized projects

• Work out where you need regular support (but ditch the shame for needing it)

• Laundry solutions - systems that allow you to see your clothes and remember what you have in your wardrobe

• Cleaning hacks

• Figuring out the best use of your space

• Doom boxes, donation bins and recycling

• Life laundry, saying no to negative people and setting boundaries

• Clearing negative energy (yes, this is a little woo-woo, but it’s fun and it works)

I’ve also had a MASSIVE clear out in my life too and it has been totally transformative and cathartic. It’s been so fun to create a whole new aesthetic in my home, especially in the kitchen. Clearing out the negative people and things in my life has brought immense freedom, energy and joy. It’s made so much more space for the people I love and the simple things in life that make me happy.

Like hanging out with little Muffin and her bestie :)

If you have ADHD or autism and are in the Victoria BC area and would like help with home organization, please reach out. I’d love to help!

On top of this, people with high vata or ADHD often experience emotions with much more intensity than neuro-typical people. ADHDers often feel emotions in a way that is not proportional to the situation. Crazy things happen when you cannot manage or stabilize your emotional state. 

I can experience emotions as an overwhelming and intense wave that hijacks my entire being and has logic flying out of the window. Dysregulated emotions can either be excruciatingly painful or exquisitely pleasurable. Either way, runaway emotions will end up steering the ship unless you rein them in. It’s easy to see why people with ADHD are often called oversensitive, insensitive or over-reactionary. 

Emotional Dysregulation

Emotional dysregulation refers to fast-building, high-intensity emotions that seem to come out of nowhere and cause a storm in a teacup. Many people struggle to understand, recognize or process these big feelings. Emotional dysregulation is just as frustrating to the people who experience it as it is to people who are on the receiving end. 

Many people with ADHD eventually give up and reject the idea of intimate relationships because it is just too painful to keep repeating unwanted patterns. 

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria or RSD

Sensitivity is a big issue for people with ADHD or high vata. You can either be highly sensitive or highly insensitive, or both, making it difficult to read social situations.

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria is the fear of actual or perceived rejection, abandonment, criticism, or failure. RSD can be extreme and crippling, having us flee or avoid situations, ruminating about experiences or playing small. It explains (in part) why many people with ADHD end up in jobs that are far below their capabilities or pay grade.  

RSD can lead to an emotional shutdown because it feels impossible to make sense of a tornado of feelings, spinning out of control. It takes a long time to process emotions, and even longer to articulate them. The result is confusion and misunderstanding about why things are as they are. It can feel safer to avoid relationships and shut down.  

Anxious, Avoidant or Fearful Attachments

Those with ADHD often experience relationship problems because they can’t form or maintain secure attachments with others. We develop our attachment styles in childhood through the interactions with significant others. Since ADHD runs in families, it’s likely that we’ve grown up around other people with emotional dysregulation. If that included trauma, neglect, abuse, criticism, smothering, inconsistency, or intrusiveness, bonding with and trusting others is hard. People generally repeat familiar patterns because they know how to play the role. This means that they (often unconsciously) recreate the same patterns that they experienced in childhood. 

Until we see them.

People with anxious attachment styles often have low self-esteem, need constant reassurance, care more about their partner’s needs than their own and can be jealous, clingy or suspicious. 

People develop avoidant styles of attaching if they experienced caregivers who were emotionally cold, did not tolerate the expression of feelings, or were neglectful. People with avoidant attachment styles find intimacy difficult and can take on the role of the lone wolf. The slightest hint of someone expressing feelings can have them pushing the eject button.

People form disorganized or fearful attachment styles if they grew up with trauma, neglect, or abuse. This shows up as aggression, bizarre behaviour, and chaos.  

In my clinical and personal experience, people with ADHD are more likely to have experienced criticism, abuse and/or bullying than compassion at home, school, playtime, and work. Therefore, having issues with attachment is not unusual, making it one of the many factors that can contribute to relationship difficulties. 

The ADHD Triangle of Tangled Emotions

When you put these three things together: emotional dysregulation, rejection-sensitivity, and disorganized attachment, the result is what I call the triangle of tangled emotions. I see this in practice so often and have experienced it myself. It goes like this: 

Emotional dysregulation ignites rejection sensitivity, which fans the flames of insecure, avoidant or chaotic attachments in relationships. And then we keep running around the triangle.  

With each trip around the triangle, the emotions get bigger; the mental narratives get louder, and the samskaras or patterns become more entrenched. 

Once you gain a clear understanding of the triangle, you can disentangle yourself from your emotions and stories. With some work, you can find solutions to emotional dysregulation, RSD, and difficulty with attachments. 

Radical self-acceptance (RSA) is the key to resolving RSD. Mindfulness and contemplative practices can dissolve emotional dysregulation. We can form secure attachments with awareness and learning emotional maturity. These things take work, for sure, but the good news is you don’t have to suffer in silence.

There is a way out.

It’s a subtle energy that exists in the air and every breath we take. Prana is the vibrant life force that courses through each living being, awakening profound interconnectedness and Divine Intelligence. It exists in every living cell in your body, coming in and going out through your senses and anything you give your attention to.

Prana infuses us with energy at the deepest level, leaving us feeling calm and content. By consciously and deeply inhaling and exhaling, we circulate prana, the vital life force, throughout our body. The rhythmic flow nourishes every cell, permeating them with wisdom and guiding us to make sound choices.

Prana aligns us with nature, creating a harmonious balance and a desire to seek more of the same.

Conversely, when vata is high, we become scattered and depleted, always searching for something to fill the void. It drains our vitality and intelligence and has us making poor choices. Each poor choice depletes prana, which leads to more poor choices. Like increases like.

To understand prana, look at how it shows up in your body.

Prana connects energy with matter and maintains harmony between mind and body.

Prana is present in all chemical reactions of circulation, respiration, and cellular respiration.

Prana is necessary for the movement of everything within the digestive system.

Prana governs the nervous system, the neurotransmitters, and the hormones.

Prana is the movement that creates voice and sound.

Prana controls hunger and thirst.

Prana pushes things out of the body, like waste products, foreign bodies, and babies!

Prana is the Intelligence of Nature. When you embody that intelligence, you get smarter. Your decisions get smarter, and so do your cravings and desires.

When prana is low, we lack energy and enthusiasm for life, and vata gets vitiated.

Here are some things that will rob you of your vital life force:

Burning the candle at both ends, overdoing it regularly.

Poor nutrition.

Poor digestion.

Poor sleeping habits.

Toxins, drugs, and alcohol.

Sudden shock or prolonged stress.

Chronic rushing around.

Excessive sexual activity.

Negative thinking, anxiety, and depression.

Being in a situation that makes us unhappy.

Anything that ‘grabs or steals’ attention not only depletes energy but also exacerbates vata.

The pranamaya kosha, or your energy body, is your personal prana stash. It’s nourished and strengthened by the breath through activities such as yoga, pranayama (breathing exercises), mindfulness, time in nature, and meditation.

Prana is most available to us just before dawn. This time of day is called ‘brahma muhurta’ or the time of the gods. It’s an auspicious time for contemplative practices in many traditions.

Your prana levels are determined by what you consume with all your senses. You are more than just what you eat. My emotions and choices are much more likely to go haywire when I don’t make time for Yoga, pranayama and meditation, especially if I don’t eat well. That’s the downward spiral.

Attending regularly to the practices of Ayurveda and Yoga has me spiralling upwards and behaving with more emotional maturity. Choose what you consume wisely to steady your emotions and rock an undeniably positive vibe. Just like the veggies in the market!

I think I was about 12 or 13 when my mind split from my body, although I was probably more like 6 when I remember it happening for the first time. That’s the earliest visceral trauma I still have flashbacks from. With each trauma, drama, or rejection, the divide grew greater. Anger, hurt, and fear formed a shield of armour that separated my body from my mind and defended my heart.

The feeling of clenched fists and a resolution to hate so much that nobody could hurt is still a vivid memory. I trapped the rage inside me and tried to wall it off. However, it had a life of its own, and I couldn't contain it. It began its own journey.

I rejected others, but mostly rejected my self and especially hated the body part of me. Fear of rejection and pain woke up my inner control freak and my mind took over. It made unilateral decisions about everything. It refused to consult my body about even basic needs and blatantly ignored any signals, screams, and symptoms.

I stopped listening to my body and what it needed. I sabotaged and punished it in a myriad of ways. My mind did not allow my body to have a vote in even the tiniest decisions, except the times when I pushed it to the limits and it got sick and collapsed.

Everything I ate, how much I slept or exercised, and the situations I got myself into were all determined by my mind. The feedback systems malfunctioned, birthing attachments and addictions.

Numbing out in any way I could was the main safety mechanism to prevent any unsolicited messages from my body, or worse, my heart. The voice I used to talk to my body and the things I said were not very nice.

No surprise here, but this didn’t go so well and life fell apart. It wasn’t until I started Yoga that the reconciliation began. Yoga actually means union, and I needed it to help me heal from the ravages of Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria.

I’m learning to listen to all the parts of myself now. I’m listening to my heart, my body, my intuition and Spirit. Pain and discomfort are useful information and help me course correct. Reconciliation starts with acknowledgment of wrongs done and ends with better choices. Forgiveness happens along the road. It’s a work in progress, but I’m on the journey home.

Healing is hard work because it requires being in the present moment, and my ADHD mind wants to live in the future and default to controlling. Staying present to what my body needs requires setting aside time for practices from Ayurveda and Yoga, and meditation, journalling and body scanning.

Rejection sensitivity coupled with emotional dysregulation plays out in so many destructive ways. You can see it overtly in younger kids with ADHD, but I believe it’s often internalized in adults. If you relate to this, give yourself grace and time and, most of all, lots of love. I see you and I’m sending love too.

Please leave a comment if this resonates!

Anxiety is one of the most troubling aspects of ADHD. Some of it comes from having ADHD, some of it comes from the mess we make because of it, and some from living in a world that makes things worse. The good news is that Yoga can help.

In some ways, anxiety could be seen as the opposite of Yoga. And by Yoga, I don’t mean the practice of contorting oneself into a pretzel. I am talking about embracing the Yogic lifestyle and the philosophy that contains it.

Yoga comes from the root word “yuj” in Sanskrit, which means union or to unite. It means aligning all the diverse parts of yourself. When you master the practices, you can control the senses and, ultimately, tame the mind. And when the mind is tame, anxiety cannot take a grip. This doesn’t usually happen overnight; it’s a journey and takes practice.

Three aspects of Yoga are especially helpful in taming the mind and reducing anxiety. They work by uniting all the parts of you, even if you feel pulled in a million different directions. They are bhakti (devotion), jnana (knowledge), and karma (action.) Braided together, they clear the path to moksha or liberation from all that binds you to your ‘lower’ self.

Does this sound like magic? Yes and No. Freedom from anxiety comes through practice, so it’s not a magic wand. But it is magic in the sense that these three practices make seemingly indelible things like anxiety disappear.

Practice #1 - Bhakti or devotional Yoga - Union with the Divine

If freedom from anxiety were a mountain, Bhakti Yoga would be the fastest and most straightforward pathway to the top.

Bhakti Yoga is simple and accessible to everyone. It’s the path or Yoga of devotion and union with the Divine, The Universe, Spirit, or your higher Self. Whatever you call it, it’s your connection with the Divine Mystery of Life. Devotion can take many forms, such as chanting, prayer, gratitude, contemplation, mantra, singing, or reflection. It doesn’t matter what you are doing; it’s the spirit with which you do things. I personally love kirtan, and this has been my introduction to Bhakti Yoga. Krishna Das and Deva Premal are two of my favourite Bhakti artists who can get me up the mountain with one or two songs!

Practice #2 - Jnana Yoga - Union with yourSelf

In this tradition, the practice is awareness, specifically self-awareness. This is the opposite of numbing out, having addictions, or staying too busy to know yourself. Jnana Yoga is the path of seeing the true nature of Life through meditation, self-inquiry, and contemplation. These contemplative practices are known as self-study or svadhyaya.

In this practice, the Yogi aims to transcend the monkey mind and the ego and liberate herself from maya or delusion. This is a deeply personal practice, and there are no cheat sheets. You must put in the time and do the work. The insights you will gain are beyond the level of the intellect, and there is no shortcut.

In Yoga, we call this process Witness Consciousness. The process is simple but not easy, and it goes like this. Choose to set your thoughts aside and calm the fluctuations of the mind using meditation, breath-body movement or other contemplative practices. Keep at it; it takes repetition and practice. Don’t expect to be good at it immediately! Witness the fluctuations of the mind and life in general without judging or trying to make sense of anything. Allow everything to be as it is.

The resulting clarity brings a perspective that creates the right conditions for anxiety to disappate.

Practice #3 - Karma Yoga- Union with All that is

Karma Yoga is the practice of selfless devotion. Think of the scene in Eat Pray Love when Liz scrubbed the ashram floor. Service without expecting praise, reward, or acknowledgment is an offering to Life. It’s transformational. You participate in the cosmic activity of Nature unselfishly and without expectation. You get to experience Life working through you, free yourself from your past karmas and invite peace.

From a Western perspective, this makes sense, too. Serotonin is released when we give to others, and who doesn’t want a little more of that kind of happiness in life?

So there you have it: devotion and gratitude, meditation and self-awareness, service and kindness to others. When you do enough of these things, anxiety has no space to reside in your world.

People with ADHD often struggle with decision-making. This is partly because many of us have lost trust in our decision-making ability. After all, if you’re like me, you’ve made some terrible ones.

When vata is high, so are impulsivity and compulsivity. Decisions are made without thought or heart. They are a reaction made from a place of desire, attachment or fear rather than mindfulness, courage or love.

Every bad decision erodes self-trust.

On the other hand… every good decision builds it. And this is the point of power.

Life is a gong show without self-trust because there is nothing to ground you, and you’ll be blown about by windy old vata.

Why is cultivating self-trust so important?

Well, self-trust means having the confidence to make good decisions about your life. And this is essential because you are the expert of you.

You are the only one with intimate insights and relationships with every part of who you are and where you’ve been. This insider information qualifies you as the expert to make decisions about you.

However, you must stop, pause and check in with yourself before making decisions. This is also known as developing your intuition. Trusting your intuition and inner wisdom is key to managing ADHD successfully.

Making healthy choices means tuning in to your inner teacher who can guide you to people, books, workshops or other learning opportunities you need if you are missing some information or advice. Your inner teacher can also guide you to say yes or no to anything you consume or involve yourself with.

If you defer to others without checking in with yourself, you’ll lose agency over your wisdom and power, eroding your ability to trust yourself.

You must become your own authority when choosing how to manage your life. Connect to the highest aspects of yourself and tune into the wisdom within. Pay attention to the small inner voice to determine what is best for you.

I believe it’s a lack of self-trust that derails people with ADHD. It leads to bad decisions, self-disgust and addictions.

Bad habits are formed one bad decision at a time. Eventually, they become automatic, and then we start eroding self-trust on auto-pilot.

Fortunately, the same is true of building self-trust. This happens through choosing practices like checking in with yourself, listening to the inner teacher and developing intuition.

Have the courage to listen to yourself. It is not the ra-ra-ra self that reacts before thinking, but the sage part of yourself waiting to be heard. When you do, you’ll connect to your own path to wisdom, healing and happiness.

If this resonates, I’d love to hear your thoughts!

However, if you are living with ADHD, you’ve probably set billions of goals that you’ve not achieved and you’ve let yourself down on more than one occasion! You might find that you keep doing the same unwanted and unhelpful things. You let yourself down.

But what you do when you find yourself visiting square one (AGAIN) makes the difference.

The Skillful Choice - Grace, compassion, and self-forgiving

It’s not how often you fail; it’s how skillful you can become at experiencing square one as the ultimate classroom. Each “mini-failure” is an opportunity to learn something new about what led you to abandon yourself. If you use your energy for compassionate inquiry and exploration, the moments of failure become transformative grist for the mill. Your newfound insights will inch you a little closer to your freedom - or moksha as it is called in Sanskrit.

The Unskillful Choice- Intolerance, fury, and self-sabotaging

Or you can use it as an opportunity to beat yourself up. You could remind yourself that you’ve made the same mistake a million times before, and you’ll never change.

If you have ADHD, chances are your healing journey will be anything but linear and you may feel deflated and demoralized if you keep returning to what feels like square one. If you buy into the belief that being back at square one means you are a failure, you risk fulfilling that prophecy and choosing a downward-spiralling path.

On the other hand, if you see square one as a turning point, an opportunity to learn and grow, things can change.

Living with ADHD is hard. But no matter how often we mess up, the point of power is embracing square one as a power spot rather than a place of shame and failure.

Perfection is elusive, square one is a useless construct, and every successful journey begins when we arrive at where we started and know the place for the first time.

Let’s face it: it’s a hoot when we find each other! We make each other laugh, we get each other, and there’s an instant connection.

Finding a community that supports your sustained evolution makes the journey more accessible and more fun.  You are much more likely to succeed when you have people who get you and are interested in personal growth and good health.  These people understand what you are dealing with and are genuinely interested in your success. They accept you for who you are, slip-ups and all. You will show up completely differently when you are part of a committed group. 

Communities work best when you feel safe enough to hang out and be real, vulnerable and raw.  This is when big, lasting changes happen. 

My people and your people live with ADHD, autism or both.  They could also be anywhere on the gender or sexuality spectrum. Mmmm hmmmm, it’s a beautiful rainbow of diversity.

It feels great to fit in and have a sense of belonging.  It’s a basic human need.  Life is fun when groups explicitly agree to nurture, support, and encourage each member!  Who you hang out with really does influence your quality of life.

People come unstuck when they feel alone, misunderstood or just plain weird. Finding a group where weird is good is such a relief for the nervous system. Being part of an empowering culture helps you start believing in yourself again. The right community is gold. 

Today, I’m announcing a brand new addition to my Substack publication: the Calm The Vata Down subscriber chat.

This is a conversation space in the Substack app that I set up exclusively for my subscribers — like a group chat or live hangout. I’ll post short prompts, thoughts, and updates that come my way, and you can jump into the discussion.

To join our chat, you must download the Substack app, which is now available for iOS and Android. Chats are sent via the app, not email, so turn on push notifications so you don’t miss a conversation as it happens.

How to get started

1. Download the app by clicking this link or the button below. Substack Chat is now available on both iOS and Android.

Get app

2. Open the app and tap the Chat icon. It looks like two bubbles in the bottom bar, and you’ll see a row for my chat inside.

3. That’s it! Jump into my thread to say hi, and if you have any issues, check out Substack’s FAQ.

Join chat

While I primarily write about vata dosha and ADHD, vata does not dance alone. Its siblings, pitta dosha and kapha dosha, are also on the dosha dancefloor. To be healthy, we need to have balance in all three doshas.

Vata dances with the other two doshas to the tune of the mahagunas (also called gunas.) Both the gunas and the doshas are determined by the choices you make, your karmas and what happens to you.

What are the gunas?

There are three gunas, sattva, rajas and tamas, and they describe the essential qualities of nature that exist in all beings and things. Each of the gunas is associated with certain characteristics:

Sattva is light, pure and harmonious. Luminosity and balance.

Rajas is activity, stimulation and excitement. There is more of this in the hyperactive and combined types of ADHD.

Tamas is inertia, slothfulness, and destruction. This is abundant in the inattentive type of ADHD.

We have and need all three gunas, just like we have and need all three doshas. But we need them to be balanced. If we hang out on the couch for a week eating junk food, we become tamasic. If we work, play, and party hard, we embody rajas. If we meditate, do Yoga, eat well, and choose calm and uplifting activities, we can bask in sattva's soothing warmth and luminosity.

Sattva is the desired state most of the time, but we need a little of the other two as well. Too much rajas or tamas, and you’ll be off-kilter.

To decrease rajas, avoid highly flavoured, fried, and spicy foods, as well as stimulants like caffeine and other drugs.

To decrease the Tamas guna in your mind and body, leave out junk food, leftovers, beige food, numbing out and alcohol.

The gunas determine your doshas and how they dance with one another.

The Dance of the Doshas

The doshas all impact each other.  They constantly dance together, and what happens with one dosha impacts the others.  So, while I talk mostly about calming vata down, we must keep all three doshas in balance. Here are some of the ways that they impact one another.  

High vata can push on and intensify pitta.  Things get hot when the air and space of vata fan the flames of pitta.  Then, when pitta increases, so does the body's heat and dryness.  The fire of pitta becomes all-consuming, and we can feel burned out.  This cycle increases vata. 

Vata can block pitta.  When vata goes too high, pitta burns itself out.  Pitta gets exhausted and becomes weak.  

Vata can block kapha.   When vata gets too high and burns pitta out, people tend to consume excess kapha food and do less exercise. The heavy, sticky energy of kapha gets stuck inside and can’t get out. Physically, trapped kapha can manifest as stagnation or obesity. Mentally, it might present like OCD, where highly anxious vata thoughts get stuck on a continual loop. There could also be a freeze or shut-down response here. 

Vata can push kapha.  When vata is high, we can experience a desire to eat and eat; when we eat more than we need, kapha increases in the body and mind. As anxiety increases, so does the urge to eat. The excess weight then causes further stress, and vata rises even further.  It becomes a vicious cycle and causes addictions, habits and dependencies.

Kapha can block pitta and kapha.  If kapha gets too high, it clogs everything up.  It stops pitta from doing its work and can even block vata from moving around the system. 

Lastly, please do not rely on the dosha quizzes! They are (largely inaccurate) snapshots of what your doshas are doing at any point. A good Ayurvedic practitioner or counsellor will give you a more accurate assessment of what is happening.

Trying not to think does not work; a new strategy is required. Here’s plan B!

Give the Monkey One Banana

In this strategy, we try to work with the monkey. We give one specific and repetitive task - or just one banana to focus on and think about. Monkeys with nothing to do cause chaos. But if you give them a job, they will calm down and let you meditate.

Depending on which school of meditation you subscribe to, you can choose one or more jobs for your monkey. Jobs could include mantras, mudras, mala beads, counting, focusing on the breath, or observing anything the senses perceive. You might also use an app or a guided meditation as the banana. In Vedic Meditation, the banana is the mantra.

Vedic-Style Meditation

Vedic Meditation is based on the teachings of the Vedas, a large body of sacred wisdom teachings from India, over 5,000 years ago. The word Veda is Sanskrit for knowledge. Vedic Meditation is an effortless path to experience inner peace and calm.

In Vedic Meditation, you sit comfortably in a chair with your back supported, your head free, and your eyes closed—no need to be in the lotus position. Be comfortable, and don’t worry if you itch, cough, sneeze, or the dog licks you!

Allow yourself to settle and start thinking your mantra silently. The mantra might be given to you by a teacher or guru, or you could use a universal one such as so hum or OM.

The Sanskrit word “mantra” can be broken down into two syllables: “man,” which means mind, and “tra,” which means vehicle. In other words, a mantra is a vehicle that delivers you to a deeper and stiller state of consciousness or meditation.

You don’t even have to know what the mantra means. It is almost better not to know but to switch off and focus on the sound. Ancient mantras are believed to accumulate a tiny power charge each time they are repeated. And since they have been chanted, thought and sung billions of times over the past 5,000 years, they are now highly charged and capable of some seriously powerful cleaning and clearing magic.

So basically, that’s it. Well, that’s a very abbreviated version anyway. There are many teachers and courses available if you are looking for instruction. But you don’t need to spend thousands of dollars on a mantra, and you can make a start on your own.

To begin, you can choose a mantra that speaks to you. OM is perfectly acceptable and easy to remember. Then sit down, close your eyes and quietly give the monkey its job - to think the mantra. It’s best to do it for about 20 minutes twice a day, ideally during the two vata times of the day. These are from 2 to 6 am and pm. This will help calm vata down. Just drop into the cycle of thinking and returning to the mantra.

Celebrate when random and annoying thoughts interrupt your mantra. This means that they are presenting themselves to be cleansed and cleared. Rejoice that you’ve done another little bit of healing, and then get back to thinking the mantra.

I love the simplicity and efficacy of this style of meditation. I noticed results after less than a week. I was calmer, more focused, less anxious, and made better choices.

You don’t have to ‘try’ to do it perfectly; whatever happens is OK. There is no such thing as a bad meditation. Be with what is rather than trying to get it right.

What if there is more than one monkey in my ADHD brain?

If you have ADHD, you may have more than one monkey causing a riot at the intracranial party. Does this mean using more than one banana?

Possibly. Try it and see. If you are finding it challenging to find stillness, try giving the monkeys two or three bananas. For instance, you could use mala beads to count each mantra. You could combine both of these with the breath. Or you could simply focus on the breath and coordinate the mantra with the inspiration and expiration.

Experiment and evolve. Please don’t give up too soon. The effects are cumulative and exponential. Meditation will help with sleep, emotional regulation, focus, anxiety and depression, decision-making and overcoming habits and addictions. You’ll find that the longer you do it, the better your life will be.

Ayurveda can help!

Two of the most powerful practices in Ayurveda are having a light, early dinner and getting to sleep before 10 pm. And it’s cool that Western Medicine has recently discovered exciting new evidence to support what Yogis have known for a long time.

For thousands of years, the teachings of Ayurveda have encouraged people to sync their mealtimes to the rhythms of nature. This means eating when there is enough daylight to enjoy seeing what they eat and harnessing the sun's power to digest it completely. Our natural body clock is determined by the circadian rhythms or cycles of daylight. Eating an early healthy breakfast, a substantial lunch at noon, and a light, early evening meal is ideal.

There is plenty of evidence to show that when circadian rhythms are disrupted, people with ADHD are likely to experience an exacerbation of symptoms. People with ADHD need sleep, even if they say they don’t. And sleep is disrupted if you eat too close to bed.

If you are sleep deprived, you are at risk of insomnia, weight gain, impulsivity, swings in temperature, moods and eating. You are more likely to develop addictions, diabetes, depression, anxiety, and decreased motivation. And there’s a lot more, but I’ll spare you the details; otherwise, we’ll be here all day. But trust me when I say that both ADHD and vata are going to be out of control if you don’t have good sleeping practices.

I went for years existing on 4 hours of sleep, denying that it was an issue. There were many reasons for this, but my lifestyle didn’t help. Many vicious cycles happened, including poor eating too close to bedtime, drinking too much alcohol, eating too much sugar/carbs, not enough exercise and many impulsive and bad decisions. I would also work on the computer until right up until bedtime. That’s the abbreviated story… Of course, this all led to poor decision-making and low impulse control, perpetuating the patterns and exacerbating ADHD.

I learned how to correct those sleeping patterns and eradicate insomnia by following the teachings and practices of Ayurveda. Many tips and tricks are available to help you develop good sleeping habits, but eating an earlier and lighter evening meal and getting to bed before 10 are the first two places to start, in my opinion.

Finishing your last meal early in the evening allows the body to complete the digestive process before sleep. This means that pitta dosha, the dosha of transformation, can do its job while you sleep. It can digest and transform food and every other thought, impression, or anything you’ve consumed. Then, when pitta has finished transforming what we’ve consumed, vata can remove the waste and toxins from the body and mind. If we eat too close to sleep time, the body has to digest food overnight, meaning that a backlog of undigested stuff takes up residence in your body, showing up as chronic inflammation.

Frontiers in Science that supports Ayurveda

Scientists have recently discovered the gymphatic system, which is like the lymphatic system, only in the central nervous system (CNS) and the brain. Until very recently, it was thought that there were no lymphatics in the brain. However, it has been discovered that the brain has its very own waste-clearance system that works overnight- as long as you don’t eat too late at night! Who knew? This gives the body's other organs time to replenish and restore instead of using energy reserves to digest stuff you’ve chowed down on at your big dinner or midnight feast.

Changing these two habits- going to bed early and not eating too late - makes a big difference.

Doing these two things makes me clear-headed and helps me make better choices. Better choices help me sleep better, and the cycle becomes benevolent and restorative instead of vicious. Think of it as resetting your body and mind to factory defaults so they seek out healthier things.

Sweeten the deal with an evening meditation practice, and you’ll sleep like a baby and wake up ready to seize the day.

But know that accepting yourself as you are is not the booby prize; it’s the main event. It’s where the treasures lie. Here’s what that journey might look like.

Step 1

The first step to healing is getting honest with yourself. This might feel dark and terrifying, but light shines in once you’ve taken this step, and you’ll find the way forward.

Take time with this process, and don’t leave any stone unturned because the next step will be letting go of what is not serving you.  If you haven’t named it, you can’t let it go! Accept what is and who you are, and then create a plan to ‘un-become’ all you no longer want to be.  Be patient with this process, and give yourself as many fresh starts as needed. Remind yourself daily that the journey is important and there is no destination.

It’s important to distinguish between the things that make you YOU and are just differences and the things dragging you down. Don’t ‘make yourself wrong or bad’ for the differences; they are to be celebrated.

Step 2

You will identify your big WHY - why you need to make these changes.  Then, you will fiercely defend your why and protect your new choices. You will commit to saying NO to anything that takes you in the wrong direction.  You will practice setting and maintaining boundaries that prevent anyone or anything from tempting you back to old ways. 

Step 3

Open your mind, let go of perfectionism and be patient

Next, you will open your mind to new choices and practices.  You will learn that recommitment is way more important than commitment.   You will heal and evolve into the best version of yourself.  There will be challenges and setbacks, but you will understand this is just part of the journey.  There can be no growth without discomfort, and you will learn you can do hard things.  You will embrace change, but have patience as you do it.  It will be a process, and it will take time.  Step by baby step.  Slip ups and setbacks are learning opportunities, if you have one, you need it because there is something left to learn. As you progress, you will learn to stop questioning your decision to make better choices.  You will keep your eyes on the road before you and keep going. You know you are on the right path, and this excites you. 

Step 4 -Caring for all of yourself

You will learn to care for your body because it is the only one you get.  Your body is a sacred vehicle for this lifetime, so you learn to love and nurture it well.  You will also learn how to protect your energies and not allow yourself to be in situations that are not good for you.  You’ll learn to create and love having a healthy lifestyle. 

You’ll learn how to calm your mind. You’ll become aware of the power of your thoughts.  You’ll understand that your thoughts give rise to your feelings and actions.  Your actions become your habits, and your habits become your destiny. 

So, to create the life you want, you know you need to be very careful about the thoughts that you choose.  You begin to listen to the quiet voice of your higher self instead of the noisy mental chatter.  This helps you to improve your mental focus.  You stop doing so many things at once and develop mindfulness.  You learn to give your full attention to one thing at a time. You open your mind to love and to Universal wisdom.  You become willing to question the status quo in favour of trusting your inner knowing. 

Step 5 - Be Yourself

Becoming your truest self is the greatest gift you can offer yourself and others.  This starts with radical self-acceptance and finding the answers within.  They are all there, and your inner light guides you.  As you awaken to your true nature, you will realize that you are perfect and whole, just as you are.  Warts and all.  Touching this truth daily helps you to stay calm and compassionate.   You make a point of getting silent and still regularly so you can tune into that tiny voice within.  You learn how to quieten and shrink the false ego and rise and feel strong in your true Self. 

You begin the practice of softening your heart and letting go of negativity.  You open your heart to Life’s magic because you know you are worthy.  You are worthy just because you are here on planet Earth.  You are a child of this Universe and have every right to take up space.  You stop doing the whole chameleon thing and find your true voice.  You master the art of standing up and speaking up for yourself. Your most important goal is to be as authentic as you can be.